Chewy The Bulldog

For Christmas my husband bought a six month old, English Bulldog. He is the cutest ugly dog you've ever seen. (See photo. Am I right?) Now, when you go to name a dog, you either go with a name that fits, or something a little ironic, right? For instance, we had a teeny, tiny little yorkie mix that we named "Duke". Whenever I hear that name, it reminds me of the cartoon "Marmaduke", you know the big huge Great Dane. Well, my husband and the kids and I debated over names for this bulldog. We all wanted one that fit. The original breeder had named him Scooterbug. What!?!?!? You have got to be kidding! I wanted Bubba or some name like that. Well, Chewy stuck. My husband says if we are Hispanic, we need a dog with a Hispanic name. But, truth be told, it really is short for Chewbacca, that "thing" from Star Wars.

Now that we've had him for a while, I have come up with a few other names, that I think might have been more appropriate. How about Stinky, or maybe Smelly, or Snort, Snore, or Fartboy! Although I have never loved a dog more, let me tell you, he can clear a room in 5 seconds or less! And, mind you, this is not an occasional problem, it is a regular and reoccurring nightmare! I believe that whoever can come up with the technology that will allow us to have "smell-o-vision" will be the wealthiest man in the world. Then, maybe, you would understand. Words cannot express the pungency of this dog's bowel odor. Let's just say that sometimes I think my hair will melt. I plug my nose, but then I'm afraid to breathe through my mouth, for fear of tasting it.

But, how does Chewy, relate to knitting? He doesn't, really, except that he spends every waking hour of his life following me around. He even sleeps (snores) at my feet while I am on the computer, or knitting in my favorite chair. Did I tell you he even has flatulence in his sleep? Oh, yes, one more thing ... he LOVES my yarn. I catch him with it in his mouth all the time. If I step away and leave my project on the chair, I will come back and he will have it in his mouth, "gumming" it to death. Do you know what it's like to knit a project with wet, and sometimes slimy, yarn? Uggggghhh!!! Well, lucky for him, he's cute. So I guess I'll keep him.

I Have KITCATS

Where does the time go? There just never seems to be enough time in one day to do everything I need, and let's not forget all of the things I want to do. Being obsessive as I am, it is impossible to sit down to focus on a knitting project, when the laundry needs to be done, the dishes need cleaning, groceries need to be put away, my bed is not made, or any one of the other myriad of items on a busy mother's "to do" list.

I am convinced that I have an undiagnosed case of KITCATS (that's Knitter's Inability To Complete Any Task Syndrome). How many times have I started to make my bed, picked up a pair of shoes to put away in the closet, and -- TA DA!! -- there is the dirty clothes hamper. I pick up the laundry and start a load, only to discover that the (new) bulldog has left me a wet surprise in the laundry room. In order to fully clean this, I plug in the steam machine (which takes about 10 minutes to heat up), and head into the kitchen to throw away the paper towels used to clean up the wet stuff. The trash can in full, so I tie up the trash bag and head out to the garbage cans -- oh! there's the mailman. I trudge down the driveway to get the mail (which is about three-fourths of the way full of my 78 year-old father-in-law's offers to win an astronomical amount of money if he would only send $29.95 today to cover "handling costs"). Back inside, the steamer is ready, so I clean the laundry room floor, put a new trash bag into the kitchen trash can -- and the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and reloaded. There are crumbs on the kitchen floor (what else is new?), and the washing machine has just beeped. I unload the laundry into the dryer, and put a new (dirty) load into the washer.

Chewy, the bulldog, needs to be fed then taken outside for ... (you know). More on Chewy later. Oh! It's lunchtime. First, put something together to eat, rinse the dishes, start the dishwasher. I need a nap! Snooze for about 30 minutes, and it's time to pick the kids up at the bus stop. Snacks, referee, homework, referee, dinner, referee. Knitting? Knitting? Oh heck, I forgot the laundry in the dryer. My bed has never been made and my husband is wondering what I did all day. Yes, it's true. I have KITCATS. Sadly, there is no cure, because as I get older, the days go by faster and faster. I can only take a deep breath, and hope against all hope that I will be able to carve out some time to get to the computer to talk to the universe at large and put a couple more stitches into my latest project. Okay, truth be told, it's the latest project that has my attention, because I know that YOU all know I have a LOT of knitting projects going on at once and quite a short attention span.

How did my obsession for knitting become an obsession for keeping my house clean? Hmmmmm.......